I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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