It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
