I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
