I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
