BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
