A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
