MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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