the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
