I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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