running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
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Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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