"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
