Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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