I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
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I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
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I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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