two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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