i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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