Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
