I think my vagina is haunted
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I love having hate sex.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
