I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
