My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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