You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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