just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
