you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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