If i come over, it means nothing
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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