they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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