but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
