you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
