If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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