Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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