So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
No stitches, just platelets and will power
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
