he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
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Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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