I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
