So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
