And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
