What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
