My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
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I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize