It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My dick has a subreddit
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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