Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
