He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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