He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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