I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
