Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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