Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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