Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
