careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
