The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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