Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
