That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
