Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
