It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
