U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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