Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
