I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
