The maid of honor just puked.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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