i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize