Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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