I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
