I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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