btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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it was like getting a handjob from robocop
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
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At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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