i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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