I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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