So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
