hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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