It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
