I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just puked most of my soul out..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
