put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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