she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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