I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
