do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
