I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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