I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
